latest update

I scarcely know where to begin. Back in March of this year (09), I had what is technically called a brain infarction, commonly called "stroke". It was a blood clot lodged in the right rear hemisphere of my brain. It caused quite a lot of trauma, some of which I am still contending with today. For nearly 3 months afterward, my right eye was damaged in the stroke (not sure if it was nerve or muscle damage) and would not track evenly with the other eye, making me see double, and I was unable to read because of the involuntary movements. It caused wide spread loss of sensation on my skin, primarily the loss of sense of hot and cold on about 90 percent of my skin. The muscles on my right side were all affected: My throat was numb for days, and couldn't swallow; My right arm and leg are severely weakened even now; My intestines, and bladder are damaged as well. It has been less than 6 months now, and everyone says I am recovering at a rapid rate, but it seems hopelessly slow progress. Since the change in diagnosis, the doctors have finally taken me off seizure medication, and in turn my blood pressure returned to normal, so I am now off those drugs as well. This has not in any way changed things with the Social Security Administration, I still have until December, or January before my hearing to determine my eligibility. The last 2 months I have been spending a lot of time with my children as they were out of school for summer vacation. At this point, I still have to use a walker to get around. My bladder is unpredictable at night, an unable to empty it during the day. In order to have a bowel movement, I have to take a laxative. But, the "seizure" symptoms have finally stopped.

I am not sure where to go from this point. My mother has written letters to our congressmen and women about my situation, and to my knowledge, no responses. I have still not been successful in finding any financial help and this blog doesn't seem to be doing anything but giving me a place to vent my frustrations. So, in summary, I am doing GREAT! And you?

During the course of writing this, and asking people to look at it and help out if they can, I have had several people ask me "why are you doing this?". The most basic answer is, I am unable to work at this moment. Since these seizures began, they have completely disrupted my life. Simple things that most people take for granted I am unable to do anymore. For example, I can no longer take a bath, my legs are too weak to get in and out of the tub. I now have to shower instead. Now I know some people out there are thinking, that's no big deal, but keep in mind, anything that requires squatting down like that is now nearly impossible. Like getting down on the floor with my kids and helping them color, or going out in the back yard and digging holes with them.

But, I believe their question is directed more to the point of "why are you asking for money?", instead of "why are you writing the blog?" There are numerous reasons, but I will give you the three biggest ones here.

Reason #1: I have been to several social services programs, and charity organizations in this area, and have been turned down by all of them. It's sad because if you have a job, and are able to work, these programs provide help with utilities and other cash related shortages. If your unable to work, they think you are just being a freeloader, and refuse to help. Most charities in this area are geared more toward helping with food, and shelter. They are unaccustomed to helping financially, and the few organizations that do help financially require that you be a member of their group before you are eligible for help. I am truly sorry if I offend anyone with this next statement. For a so called "christian" church to refuse help because you don't belong to their church, is very unchristian behavior if you ask me. For the record, I am a southern baptist, or at least I was until I began seeing the hypocrisy of mainstream religions today. I still try to follow the teachings of Christ, but I am no longer affiliated with any organized religion. If there are any other charities or organizations out there that I haven't contacted, it's because I'm unaware of them. Before I begin to get myself in trouble with religions, perhaps I should move on to the next two reasons.

Reason #2 and #3:

This is Alex. He is 8 now.

This is Jasmine. She will be 7 in just a couple more months.
Since my seizures began in September of 2007, we did not have a very good Christmas that year, and this year is proving to be even worse. These are my babies, and they are the main reason I am asking for help. If a few people can just give a dollar or two, it may mean I can give them a little something this year. If a few hundred people can give a dollar or two, I can get some propane and pay a few bills. If a few thousand can give a dollar or two, I may be able to pay for a neurologist, and get back to work. Absolutely any help will be greatly appreciated.

This was an excerpt from a discussion I had with a family member. While I was explaining some of it to him, I decided it should be posted here for the readers to see just how bad the government "system" is not working.


rogermead34: lol....you should hear some of the crap i've been getting from DHS when i asked for help

JL: They are a bunch of idiots....excuse me, but I have dealt with them before

rogermead34: i had no idea the system was so screwed up until i lost my job

rogermead34: i asked them about temporary assistance for needy families, and they offered me 40 dollars a week, but i had to attend employment re-education classes 5 days a week to get it....

rogermead34: i got food stamps, but it's the absolute minimum allowable, but if i get approved for social security, my food stamp allotment will INCREASE?

rogermead34: i applied for healthcare, but i was informed, that as soon as i got my first denial from social security, it would be automatically denied for state healthcare

rogermead34: it's just been a never ending spiral of bureaucratic bs

rogermead34: i've been to several churches in the area, and they won't help financially unless i'm a member of their congregation, but they will give me a bag of groceries....even though i already have food stamps

rogermead34: most of the church people hear my situation, and i never see them again

JL: what a mess

JL: I sure hope things start turning around for you

rogermead34: that's why i've been reduced to begging for donations via internet....i just plain don't know what else to do

JL: I hear you....we'll see what we can do


I honestly don't know what else to do. There are times where just sitting here trying to type this is an extreme battle. When one of these seizures hits me, it's like someone puts their hand on the back of my head and pushes hard. I slide off the chair onto the floor, and have to lay there for a time until the dizziness passes before I can resume typing again. I am having such difficulty taking care of myself and the house, I really don't see how I can possibly hold down any kind of job. For anyone reading, any help would be greatly appreciated.

I chose that point to stop, because that is where the trouble really begins. The doctors believed that I was having seizures, and put me on Valproic Acid. I thought everything was fine, and went back to work for Wal-Mart. But it was a short lived hope. Approximately six months after going back to work, I had a real bad one just before I was to clock in and begin my shift one night. This happened in September of 2007. The store manager witnessed it, and sent me home. My parents were very concerned, so they took me to the emergency room. The ER doctors were unable to do anything for me, so they sent me home to recuperate. I suffered partial, and permanent paralysis on my right leg and part way up my abdomen with that one. Needless to say, it incapacitated me, and I was unable to return to work in a timely manner. The store manager had me fill out a leave of absence form, and requested a doctors release before returning to work. My next trip to the clinic to see the doctor was not a good one. The doctor refused to sign a release to allow me to return to work because he didn't know what was triggering these, and wanted to get them under control before doing so. Needless to say, it hasn't happened yet. Doctors changed my medication to Dilantin, hoping that it would be more effective in controlling the seizures. No change as of yet. In December, the letters began arriving from the Child Support Enforcement Office. In January, on the advice of the doctors at the clinic, I filed for Social Security. In March, I was summoned to appear in court for back child support. The Judge required me to seek legal counsel with my pending Social Security application, so in June I found a Lawyer that would take my case without having a denial from Social Security. In July, I received my first denial letter from the Social Security office. By this point, the stress of all of this had begun to wear me down some, so I found a mental health office that would allow me to see a councilor without having to have money or insurance. Not too sure that it's doing any good at this point.

Okay, now that the reader has been filled in on the background of this, lets get to some of the specifics. When these "seizures" began, they were occurring at intervals of about four to six months. I say it that way, because I am not entirely convinced that these are seizures. I am not a doctor, so I really don't know, but, both of my grandfathers died from complications related to strokes. In comparison to what I saw both of them suffer through, this is what I believe these things to be. At this point, I'm having them approximately ten to twelve times a week. The latest denial letter I have received from Social Security says that: "Your seizures could be controlled with regular treatment." The frustration I feel is almost beyond belief with government bureaucracy at this point. If they were under control, I would have already returned to work. At any rate, I was informed by the court liaison for child support that I should still expect another year before getting any results from Social Security. These things cause my vision to "grey out", not exactly a black out, but close. They cause extreme dizziness, and sometimes sweating along with nausea. Due to the dizziness, I stopped driving for fear of having an accident if one occurred while in control of a vehicle. For those of you who may be wondering, my parents have been paying my utilities, and furnishing taxi service for me. The problem with that is, my fathers car broke down a couple of weeks ago, and they were already in financial trouble before any of this began with me. So now I have become an extreme burden to my parents as well as not being able to pay my own bills. This is not to mention the back child support that is still accumulating, which is now at around four thousand dollars and climbing. The Prosecutor for Child Support says that it's an automatic felony charge if it reaches five thousand dollars. Just one more thing before I end this entry. The doctors have refused to do any more testing on me until I have had a consultation with a neurologist, and they don't have a neurologist on staff with the free clinic.

So, that about sums it up. I'm sure there will be more to come at a later point in time.

For those who don't know me, my name is Roger, and I will try to give you some detail of what's going on with me these last few years. For those who do know me, I will try to keep this as short as I can. Onward!
About six years ago, in 2002, I began having some health problems, so here is the beginning. I worked graveyard, (overnight), shift for Wal-Mart, and I was in a storage area in the back of the store cleaning and spray painting some shelves, when I began to get a headache. At first I thought it was just the fumes from the paint, so I just kind of ignored it. By the time of my lunch break it had begun to get a little worse. My speech had begun to slur, and I was having difficulty concentrating, so my supervisor sent me home early. In the parking lot on my way out, I forgot what kind of car I was driving, so I spent the next half hour trying my keys in each of the cars in the parking lot. When I got home, my wife was scared of what was happening to me, so I made arrangements to see the doctor as soon as possible. The next day the doctor examined me, and asked me to come in for more tests. When the test results came back, there was nothing definitive to diagnose. So again, I assumed it was something to do with the paint fumes, and forgot about it. In the mean time my wife's family asked us to move out to California to be closer to them, so I agreed. I quit working for Wal-Mart, and promptly began packing for the move. Shortly after arriving in California, I had a couple of more incidents with my vision graying out, and confusion. By this time I had no health insurance, so I began the process of filing for social security. A period of time went by, and I was denied for social security. However, my wife received a moderate amount of money from her stepfathers estate after he passed away. We decided to use that money to buy a house in the Midwest. That way we wouldn't have the worry of having a mortgage to deal with. After moving back to this area, my wife told me she would go to work and I could stay at home and take care of the kids while I dealt with my health problems. Since I still didn't have health insurance, I began seeing doctors at a free clinic in my area. At first things seemed to be progressing smoothly. The doctors felt they had a diagnosis, and treatment for whatever this is. In the meantime, my wife felt that I was just being lazy and didn't want to work, so she filed for divorce. In a nutshell, I got kicked out of my home, lost my kids, and my health was still in question. I stop here, but this is just the beginning.